The Rise and Fall of Evil D?

If you’ve followed my shananigans on the Internet long enough you no doubt are well aware of evildonline.com, my first real expedition into Teh InterWebz.

If you’re been there recently however you no doubt are wondering what if anything is happening behind that boring-ass login screen.

Yeah, nothings happening. Seriously.

There is totally nothing happening behind that login screen that you need to know about. You have to admit though, it’s a pretty no-nonsense kind of login screen. Just try and login, it’s not going to take your crap. Not from you, not from me (I’m may have forgotten the username and password).

The other day when I was driving back home from work I was pondering all the good times I had with Evil D Online. The reviews of celebrity sex tapes that made it into mainstream media, the publishing of Paris Hilton’s address book, the low key cult classic “Gay Niggers From Outer Space” that made you believe that no matter how low  Hollywood film goes that there will always be someone that goes lower, and of course there was the prank calls Jafar made to my phone.

I realize there was a lot more to the site and after almost 10 years of running it I guess I felt it was time to move on. I keep the domain because it does hold some sentimental value (it’s like your first car, there’s something special about it even if it’s a piece of shit you’ll never drive again).

So is Evil D dead? I don’t want to call anything dead. The Internet has a way of defying life in the sense that nothing on it every fully “dies” anymore.

For instance,  you can read more of my fictional adventures over at the webcomic Over-9000

I spoil a comic book G’s reading here. Yeah, I was killed off in that comic but I did manage to come back in a two part series where I proceed to run hell (Part 1, Part 2).

The most recent comic on the site has me questioning the masculinity of the main characters (known as “The Tripod”) because I’m an asshole and every comic needs one of those.

So in a sense Evil D lives. Does that mean that evildonline.com will be coming back anytime soon?

Probably not. I’ve decided to focus on other projects in my spare time away from the office. Hopefully I’ll have some more news on those soon.

I’ll be posting twice this week as I missed last week’s update by a couple days. In my defense though, this has been the longest string of updates for this site, ever.

Listening to Andrew W.K. makes me want to do random things.

It makes me want to punt babies and break chairs.

It makes me want to feed the starving children of the world and put hunger into a pile driver.

It makes me want to annoy the elderly and dance violently around their retirement castle.

It makes me want to write something completely pointless and realize I’m doing it at 1:26am.

It makes me want to try to tackle the largest guy I run into and have someone drive me to the hospital immediately after.

It makes me want to film my own beer commercial and not actually market any beer in it, just have a bunch of random guys and girls doing the wild and crazy stuff that comes with drunkeness

It makes me want to run up behind my co-worker Jesse Dyck and shake the shit out of his chair, screaming like a beast. Just because I know he’s working hard.

It makes me want to shoulder check my way through the walls of my neighbors’ houses, grab their family pets before they know what’s p and rock out with an entire neighborhood of animals in whatever abandoned factory we find first. Just try and tell me you would not want to see a moshing husky or a chocolate labrador doing teacups on the floor.

It makes me want to grab a random hobo, sit down with him and discuss politics and philosophy for a few hours and then slide down a hill at full speed on a spoiled mattress into a river and see how long it stays a float. I’d probably be laughing hysterically while this is going on, not so sure about the hobo.

In case you have no idea who I’m talking about, You Tube has saved the day:

Andrew W.K. - We Want Fun

Andrew W.K. - She is Beautiful

The guy is crazy.

And no. Your eyes arn’t deceiving you, he does in fact make a fruit smoothie in the middle of “She is Beautiful” before he continues to rock out around a run down house.

Andrew W.K. will always have a special place in my heart. I hope he will in yours.

This is my update for the week. Sometimes it’s just nice to let loose and unwind a little bit.

Woooo! Look at me! I’m cool but I’m not “I update my site regularly” cool.

I think part of the reason is that my last update to the site always seems like yesterday.

The reality is however, it wasn’t yesterday. It wasn’t even last week.

It was last November.

So I’ve been really bad at updates. I realize my concept of time can be way out the window and it kicks my ass.

Over and Over.

I’m going to start a routine. This routine will be based around a checklist (humorous image pending). By the end of the week I want myself to have accomplished certain things. This will ensure that not only am I getting things done for myself but the website and other things as well.

The Checklist:

- Workout 5 times a week

- Study/Complete one chapter from my Adobe Training Books

- Read at least 50 pages from each of the books I started

- Study/Complete two chapters from my Microsoft Sharepoint Admin Companion

- Take supplements daily

- Call Dad at least twice a week to catch up (Visit when I’m in town on weekends)

- Update darrenmoffatt.com at least once

- Work on other sites, time permitting

So there you have it, my list.  50 pages from each book might not seem like a lot but it adds up when you have about 4 or 5 books on the go and little time to read them.  This is a pretty early draft of my weekly checklist however and I’m sure I’ll add more things as time goes on.

I’m not sure if I’m going to count this as my update for the week or not…it’s the middle of the week and all. I might still have time for another update before the week ends.

We’ll see.

The New DarrenMoffatt.com?

You’re probably sitting there wondering what happened to the old design.

I changed it, changed it good. Changed it so good, your eyes probably think it’s a brand spankin’ new site.

Fear no more! Put down that Letter Opener/Eye Gouger and reassure your eyes that it is still in fact darrenmoffatt.com and then let them go back to viewing Facebook, Pr0n, or whatever else people are viewing on Teh Interwebz these days.

Since you’re probably wondering, yes. The new site does mean more updates.

After spending the time I did/the time I’m going to be spending updating this new layout…I might as well populate it with more content. Expect more of the same literary crap you’ve always come to expect from me, now with new layout FTW.

Love/Hate,

Darren

I’m tired of being App-Raped on Facebook.

I love Facebook.

The idea of one site that seems to be drawing everyone together once again? Fantastic.

I’m not saying any should live on this site but it’s nice to see what my Uncles, Aunts and cousins are doing in Alberta all from one location. It’s also nice to see what’s going on with friends and old school chums, observing the drunken debauchery they often get into.

Facebook used to be a pretty simple site. You poked, you posted, you shared gifts and you put up photos for everyone to make witty remarks about. Many of the applications developed directly by Facebook seemed to give the wonderful users everything they would need to display their own content (notes, photos, videos, etc).

That all seemed to end when Facebook finally released their API into the wild.

At first I thought the idea of custom applications would be a neat idea. This was until I logged in after a few days of being away from Facebook only to find that my request column had grown to over 10 inches in length with a total of 83 application requests.

10 inches? Thats longer than pornstar Ron Jeremy’s penis. I never thought I’d see the day when that innocent little request column would one day overtake the wang of one of our ages greatest porn stars in both length and girth.

There is over 3500 applications right now and almost none of them do anything to contribute to the betterment of the site. Just what do a few of these applications do anyways?

Fun Wall, Super Wall, Advanced Wall are all supposed to be improvements over The Wall by allowing you to post pictures, videos and of course the messages The Wall is known best for.

Why the fuck are there 3 of these applications doing the SAME thing? Was Super Wall not enough? And 90% of the postings found on these walls aren’t even personal. Thanks to the mass messaging function on these “walls”, these applications have just been another way for people to forward chain letters with cute inspirational messages that threaten you with death, illness and a sudden lack of fucking because you didn’t forward it to 10 people within 2 hours of it being posted. The Wall is perfect, offering just enough features to allow people to personally post their own creative thoughts with one specific person.

Next are those poke applications, a feature that was originally used to get the attention of someone. Now these applications allow you to “do anything” you want to a person. Aside from taking up some extra space on a profile and making them even more needlessly tough to navigate, these applications don’t really do much.

The applications essentially go down hill from here. I’m fucking tired of seeing “Daily Hunks” all over various pages. Half the time these “hunks” don’t even change daily and probably take up about 40% of your screen real estate. How is posting a large meat puppet on your site even remotely expressing the person you are anyways?

Don’t get me wrong, some applications are useful even if they are few and far between. Aside from the gift applications (I mean if people are taking the time to send me gifts I can take the time to show them off to the world, I love my friends) the only actual application I have on my profile is for my XBox Live Gamer tag. So far I’ve had a ton of friends add me to their live account. Sometimes it’s nice to play XBox with some familiar faces. Mostly because it’s ALOT easier to hear from my friends how badly I suck at Halo 3 than some South Korean kid that I KNOW is laughing behind my back and posting to his buddies on I managed to run myself over with my own Warthog.

I’m also not going to lie. I too tried to make an application for Facebook. All it did was animate a photo of a girl spinning a leek. I found leek spinning so fucking amazing I thought more profiles needed that kind of action on it.

I realize now how insane I must have been to think that application was a good idea at the time. I would like to claim that alcohol was a factor when I started to code that application but I pride myself on being honest in my writing. I was completely sober. From now on I’m keeping my love of leek spinning to myself (For those that have NEVER seen this amazing display of excitement: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WNDh_tFIHn4 ) and out of Facebook.

The long and short of it is, these applications are doing nothing to express your individuality.

Instead of wasting your time adding these stupid applications, why not add some photos or write a wall post so someone you don’t talk to often instead?

Creating your own content (Videos, Photos, Notes, Etc) is hands down going to be far more rewarding in the end anyways.

Since a few of you have RSS’d me. I figure I would write stuff.

I’m sure I’ll get some people asking me what RSS is so I’ll beat you to the punch:

Oddly enough, this was the funniest thing I could find on UrbanDictionary.com:

Being pretty disappointed with that definition I decided to write my own:

So now that I have the formal stuff out of the way. I have this urge to fight a hobo.

You’re probably wondering why I would even feel the need to even bring the topic of hobo fighting up. I don’t have an answer for you right now, or probably ever.

Maybe it’s that I’ve gotten back into my workout routine complete with more sleep and combined it’s given me more energy then I’ve previously been accustomed to. Today just happens to be a day when I feel like I could take on the world. By world I mean one of the hobos outside of the office.

I figure the encounter would go a little like this:

Me: “Rooooooooarrr! I just want to fight you, crazy hobo? Stop picking that plant pot for cigarette butts and come here!”

Hobo: “Whhhaa? What duh hell arrr you ravin’ and rantin’ aboot there?”

And I figure that would be the extent of the conversation before I got down to business. Later we’d split a pizza and I’d probably give him a Dr. Pepper from the lunch room. We’d be tight like that I’m assuming.

I’m still getting used to making posts and I’m going to try doing this on a more regular basis then I have in the past. I probably say that once every 3 posts. I’m sorry

Progression

So I do apologize.

It’s been a couple months since I’ve updated this website and if anyone has been checking for updates you’ve probably left wondering what in the hell I’ve been up to.

I’ll try my best to summarize.

First, my job at Convergys was taking quite a bit of my daytime. Full time jobs tend to do that almost right out of the gate.  Second, I’ve been doing some work trying to get websites up for a few cleints and their businesses. Each of these sites takes just about as much time to put up as this one first did when I started it.  On top of the site however comes business cards and other media that has to be designed to have the same feel as the site. So naturally darrenmoffatt.com had to take the back bench and sit this one out.

But even the backbenchers have their time to shine.

I do intend to make some pretty huge updates that will involve darrenmoffatt.com and evildonline.com as well as a new site that will kinda of tie them in together. I hope to have this up shortly as I’ll have some downtime as I switch between jobs.

Switching jobs? Yes, I’ll be working at Microsoft shortly.

I bet a few people find this ironic being that I’m a hardcore Apple guy. But I’ve never been one of the Anti-Microsoft ones so it is totally ok for me to be working for them. Besides, I could use a challenge.

Classic Darren

This was a somewhat unpublished rant for an old “replacement” to evildonline.com that never replaced it.

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I know back in the days of evildonline.com it was one of the more favorite sections of the site. Since today is mostly going to be day full of exercise, a night class and some reading…I felt it would be the perfect time to post up yet another rant. This one has been about 13 years in the making and focuses on some of the pet peeves I’ve acquired over the recent years as internet usage has become more commonplace amount the masses. Thanks alot world… Years of tireless work to develop what we call the internet and you manage to bring down both the english language and demonstrate pretty sad typing skills with little to no effort

1) “I see, I C” - No, chances are you probably don’t see if thats the best reply you can come up with. And if you can’t be bothered to type “I see” I have to ask how lazy one would be to not want to type an EXTRA 2 LETTERS. Wow, didn’t realize that typing became that much of a problem for society that shortening even a simple 4 LETTER RESPONSE become necessary.

2) “LOL, LMAO” - This is the number one biggest lie on the internet. Most people that claim to be “Laughing Out Loud” or “Laughing My Ass Off” are not in fact doing either. The worst offenders are the ones with webcams on so they can show the entire world that they aren’t laughing out loud when they say they are. Way to go! Internet lingo should be run over by a very very large truck full of dictionaries. It just prevents people from learning proper typing skills and slowly kills brain cells.

3) Spelling! - Seriously…when did spelling words properly on the net become unfashionable? Does making oneself sound stupid make oneself trendy in today’s world? Spelling “good” like “gud”, “through” like “thru”, “ok” like “k” or even “kay” and the dreaded “know” like “kno”… I’ve seen even the smartest of lines completely butchered through the use of some of the dumbest spelling. Proper english has and always will sound better and it’ll make even the craziest of ideas sound intelligent…more so this day in age it seems.

4) “Emo”ish song lyrics in people’s screen names - Ok, you had a bad day…so what are you going to do about it? Whats that? Find a mainstream “emo” song you probably heard on the radio and post some heavily emotional lyrics into your screen name like they totally sum up your life? Here’s what might be a new concept to you…WHY NOT TRY SOMETHING YOU WROTE YOURSELF? Nobody cares about what The Used, Yellowcard, Good Charlotte, Dashboard Confessional or any other popular music artist has to say. I’m pretty sure we’ve all written something new and off the tops of our heads at some point…As much of a bad day as you think you’re having, your crappy screen names make the day even worse for someone else. They may even make Baby Jesus cry…do you want to see that happen? Probably not, what’d the lil guy ever do to you?

A New Look.

Unless you were just tuning into this site after the events of April 25th, 2007 you have all remembered the old look of this site. DarrenMoffatt.com for the longest time was pretty black, sharp and to the point.

I’ve been kinda getting tired of the dark and black look personally.

So here is the new look. It’s a little more upbeat and I think, has a bit more attitude as well.

I’ll be adding more into the site as the next few days past.

But for now…it’s time to read some more Harry Potter. I have some catching up to do. Updates Later.

Everyone’s Waiting.

Rest In Peace

There are events in a person’s life that signify change. A milestone that tells you that the life you had before won’t be the life you’re walking into now. Losing someone that has played an important part in your life right from birth has to be one of the hardest events anyone can go through. Nothing stops the numb, cold and very painful emotions that hit you. In today’s world it’s so easy for us to postpone this pain and grief, to just push it aside. Especially when this grief comes at a time in your life when you didn’t have much of one to begin with. The tears and pain saved for those few moments between obligations.

Its tough for me to push aside the grief any longer.

Losing a man like my Uncle Danny is unbearable. Many of you have heard me talk about him almost as much as I talk about my Dad. He was a good man who not only cared about his family but loved every new comer into the family as though they have been here all along. I saw this during my short time in Edmonton with the way he lovingly embraced the new men in the family. Anyone that got to know him knew right away he was different. In a world full of cookie cutter leaders that underneath fancy suits and 4th quarter results are still just followers themselves, this man was the real deal. Uncle Danny had his vices as we all did, but they never got in the way of setting an example for his community and setting an example for those of us in the family that will one day soon be the next generation to lead our ever growing family.

His passing signifies a change. I don’t know what those changes mean or where it’s going to lead this family. I suppose it’s still too early to tell. The pain of losing him has only gotten worse and it will be some time yet before anyone fully heals. My last Uncle to pass away was long before I was even born…Uncle Larry died when he was 17.

Things will be difficult going forward. Losing a person so suddenly can only come with the regret of not being able to tell them all these things when they were here to hear it.

I decided to cancel my flight Monday and drive by myself up Sunday. Some people may have a hard time understanding this so I’ll make it a little more understandable.

Ever been to a large social gathering where you can never seem to find a spot to just stand and catch your breath and think about whats going on? Do you often find yourself leaving for a bit just to be alone?

Now picture that large social gathering to be your life. You aren’t able to find anywhere to go to be alone and every-time you try to make your way through the crowd someone else recognizes you and for yet another moment you commit yourself to hearing them out. Only life is larger than a simple banquet hall and its not as easy to find a place where you are just by yourself and you can finally catch your breath.

For at least 14 hours on Sunday I’ll have that chance. A chance to be by myself and isolated from everything but whats inside my car. It’ll give me time to think about all the good times I had with the Uncle I love and to come to terms with everything I’ve dealt with over the last while. It’ll also bring back the feelings I first experienced when I was out on my own and by myself for the first time traveling to Edmonton to see my family there.

Unfortunately, these are experiences that no hour and a half flight on a West Jet will ever be able to reproduce.

If you still don’t understand, I’m sorry. This will have to be just one of those things in life you accept simply because its out of your control. Continue reading Everyone’s Waiting….